For several reasons, I think I need to step back from the lens, reset some priorities, contemplate some pending transitions and collect myself in order to continue the path forward.



I look at the calendar today and I see that this is week 44 of 2009. To date, I have done 63 separate shoots with models involved. That’s about 3 shoots every two weeks and considering my schedule only allows me to shoot every other week, for me that means I’ve been averaging 3 shoots in every available week. Don’t get me wrong, I love the shooting process and creating and I don’t want to stop…but… I am far from caught up on providing my wonderful muses their images! Recently I have been more involved in team collaborations too so there are even more people waiting on the images of our collective work! I owe these wonderful artists their images! It’s not fair for me to slack on that.



On a different note, I’ve noticed an interesting phenomenon with my boys, without going into too much detail; I have seen changes in the way they outwardly react to things they may perceive as stressful, unsettling, negative or maybe just new. The net result is that I see them looking for more of my time which is never a bad thing, but with only so many hours in a day and their desire to include me in their way of working through things, I obviously have less “free” time. What I find cool is these guys are very aware of so many things going on around them and they will sometimes completely open up & talk and other times, I know they want to open up and tell me what’s on their minds but the just don’t. I’ve needed to drop some of my “boilerplate” talks with them because they can bring their own perceptions to the table now and I find it fascinating to see the growth. For me and my guys, I think I’ve found that a show of mutual respect will go far. They know my goal is to provide a way for them to experience happiness and they also see that my goal is to be happy as well and they want that for me too. Far less bickering lately. Far more support lately.



They have a major change coming in their lives and they’ll need my support and understanding. They’ll see changes in people close to them that they may not fully comprehend. I’ll be needed then. I know it and I am good with my role. Positive and ready!



Other transitions will be taking on different looks. Some will impact me directly and others indirectly. One that directly impacts me has nothing to do with my art but could really create a big change. My normal day job will soon include significant additional responsibility (and potentially) time commitment. While I am happy to move forward for the possibility of a better income, I am not fond of the idea that my time for art may be hindered. My only real consideration for seriously biting on this opportunity is that in the long run I might be able to move into working on my art full time sooner…we’ll see how that goes.



Other transitions don’t exactly impact me directly other than I see friends in life altering circumstances and because they are friends I am affected. I want to be able to share any experiences I have had in the hopes that it may help them get through the rough patch. Over the course of the last couple years, I felt that it was important for me to find balance in my life and in relationships. I had a lot of issues to work out and honestly I had to accept the blame for the place I was in; I put myself in a position where I allowed myself to be a door mat and that was very unhealthy! Later I came to realize that I didn’t have to be codependent or let go of who I wanted to be for the sake of making someone else happy- no one can “make” another happy or content or feel balance (or for that matter the opposite of any of those things). I hope my friends were not offended as we chatted and I gave my views on the subject. Going through the break up of a marriage can be a learning experience and you can take away positives or you can hate the other person. I hope I took away far more positives to allow myself to grow in the past two years. I hope they do as well! Still part of me can’t help but feel badly for these friends. They will no doubt go through some rough times, but in the end, I hope they find balance and happiness with the new paths they have decided to take. Life is far too short to be constantly unhappy. Like I said, these don’t exactly impact me directly, but they remind me that no matter how difficult & drastic a transition is, it can be made a positive experience! I have actually found it possible to have more frequent reasonably positive conversations with my ex over the past several weeks. Quite remarkable.



The last little thing has to do with what I’ve always joked about as having ADD and that is where the collecting myself comes in… I’ve heard and read that certain meds squash the creative side while maintaining a good level of concentration. I need to do more research before I go medicating on a regular basis because I’m not going to give up my creative side for anything! So I am not sure where this one will lead, but like the others I am hoping that all the things happening to me and around me are changes in the terrain of the path I am on…the journey remains quite interesting and invigorating!



So, while I may see “old” work as I use my Wacom to catch up on the processing that must be done, you may simply see new deviations, I hope there is little to no noticeable change in what I do!

I made a book...
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